The phone vibrated against the wood of the nightstand, a low hum that cut through the quiet of the apartment. 9:05 PM. A soft, insistent glow in the dark. My first thought was, of course, that it was him. A follow-up from the 8:45 PM email, the one with the subject line ‘Gentle Reminder’-a corporate euphemism for ‘Drop everything, this is now your night.’ The deadline had been pulled forward. Again. My shoulders tensed, a familiar ache blooming between them as I reached for the screen. But it wasn’t him.
It was from HR. Subject: ‘Don’t Forget to Practice Self-Care!’
The dissonance was so profound, so utterly tone-deaf, it felt like a physical blow. A notification for a guided meditation course sitting directly on top of a demand for another 5 hours of unpaid, stress-fueled labor. My thumb hovered over the screen, tracing the outline of the two messages, one from a manager who measured my value in output per hour, the other from a department that measured it in my capacity to absorb punishment with a mindful smile. This, right here, is the modern workplace paradox: being set on fire and handed a brochure on fire safety.
The Corporate Wellness Mirage
Let’s be brutally honest for a moment. Corporate wellness programs, for the most part, are not about your well-being. They are one of the most sophisticated forms of gaslighting ever conceived. They are a liability shield, a calculated
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